fbpx

Q:

Hey Amanda! I’ve been thinking about starting a business for awhile, but I don’t have a lot of support from my husband. I mean, financially, he is the main breadwinner, but when I start talking about the things I’d like to do, he just changes the subject of flat out says to stop being such a dreamer.

Side note, I have 2 kids, and they are pretty young. We don’t live near family, and I don’t have much help with them at all.

Is this just a pipe dream?

sincerely,

Hoping You’ll Convince Me I Should…

A.

Hi Hoping!

So, the short answer is, no, it’s not just a pipe dream.

Having a supportive spouse is great to have, but it certainly isn’t necessary. It WILL make things harder if your husband isn’t into what you are doing. You won’t be able to share your wins with him, and don’t even bother sharing your worries. He won’t get it, and he will just use them as an example of why it’s a bad idea. But, you can still do this.

Find a group of like-minded women. Facebook is full of them. You can get the support you need, you just need to look a little harder for it.

Likewise on the kids. It’s certainly easier to wait until your kids are grown to start something big. But, that doesn’t mean that’s the advice I’m giving you here.

No, I think that the example that you will be setting for your kids is far more important than whether or not the journey is going to be easy.

The goal of every mother is to raise their children to be competent adults who can navigate the ups and downs of life – and you need to be modeling how to do that to them every day.

They need to see you succeed. They need to see you fail. They need to see you choose to get up and try again.

I’ve never understood why women think being a stay-at-home mom who does nothing but play with their kids, keeps the house clean and the husband happy is the ideal.

That’s not my ideal. And I certainly don’t want my daughter to think that’s what she has to do. Nor do I want my sons to expect the same of their wives.

I tried to be a stay-at-home mom who focused solely on the home, the kids and being available for sex whenever he wasn’t too tired – and I was also bored out of my mind. I need intellectual stimulation. I need a creative outlet.

My aunt once told me to watch the movie “Where’d You Go, Bernadette” because she felt that I would identify with it, and especially this quote:

“People like you must create. If you don’t create, Bernadetteyou will become a menace to society.”

And it’s the truth.

If that’s you too, then you will find a way to create your business. I had three toddlers when I started mine, and they just went everywhere and did everything with me. It made things take longer. It meant I had to cram work in when I could. But I found a way to make it work, and if you really want it, you can too.

One thing I’d like to add in here…even if you don’t have your husband’s mental and emotional support, you do have his financial support. Him being the breadwinner is a luxury that many women don’t have. Be thankful you have this.

I had (and still have) the financial support of my husband to fall back on during lean times. The fact that he paid a lot of the bills also allowed me to hire a nanny that came a few hours a day to clean and play with the kids for a few years when they were particularly hard to manage, just so I could get some work done every day.

My final answer? Go for it.