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I love Jesus… but I cuss a little.

This one has been percolating in me for awhile. Brewing around, waiting for me to find all the words to say to get my meaning across.

I’m still not 100% feeling like I’ve got it all formulated, but I guess it’s time to leave off the dragging of my feet and just put it out there.

I grew up going to church. Sunday morning, Sunday night and Wednesday night, every week of my life until I moved out at the age of 18 1/2.

But even having grown up in a church-y environment, I’ve never felt 100% comfortable around church people.

This is most likely because they come off as being a little uptight.

They say things like, “I’m praying for you,” meaning that they ask God to make sure you are okay – but when they say it, it sounds more like, “Man, you clearly need Jesus.”

They tell you that Jesus will heal your aching heart, but when you still feel that same deep pain a year or two later – it leaves you feeling like you did something wrong; like Jesus doesn’t really like you all that much; or maybe like your faith just isn’t strong enough.

They make you feel like you should live up to certain standards before you can even think about calling yourself a follower of Jesus.

They make you feel like your language must be free of cussing, your cabinets should have no alcohol, and well, there is a whole litany of vices that most church people think you should rid yourself of BEFORE you get to know Jesus.

So, when I feel, like DEEPLY in my soul, that the purpose of my life is to help women find a boldness that allows them to fall headlong into the path that God has, for lack of a better word, destined them for…I feel very inadequate and super, well, not-qualified.

I mean, I’ve got the boldness part down. That’s no problem. Ask anyone who knows me IRL, and they will affirm that I have no inhibitions, and very little shame.

But to put myself out there like some sort of spiritual person… well isn’t that a little much?

I mean, I love Jesus…but I cuss a little.

Full disclosure – I cuss a LOT.  (I try to keep it on the down low, because I’ve got kids, not because I’m some kind of holy-roller.)

I love Jesus, but I’m not even that good at boldly chasing my dreams either. I go in fits and starts, with weeks of action, followed by months of inaction.

Who am I to be the cheerleader for anyone else??? In my own mind, and in plenty of other people’s too, I am wholly unqualified.

But that’s not really how it works is it? I mean, if we felt qualified, we wouldn’t have a bit of trouble just doing what needs to get done, right?

I don’t have any problem cleaning up vomit after one of my kids is sick, because I know what to do, and it has to be done.

That’s not the best analogy, but it certainly applies.

Because the truth is, God doesn’t typically use the qualified to further His plan. Don’t believe me, just read any of the history books in the Old Testament.

Having your shit together is not a requirement for Him to love you OR work through you.

This is how it works…

It starts with a nagging feeling in your heart, begging you to take heed.

While simultaneously, you find yourself deeply mired in the depths of impostor syndrome.

You will have doubts. You will feel inadequate and unqualified.

But you have to find a way to do it anyway. Whether it’s joining a Facebook group, hooking up with a pal to keep you on track, or finding a good coach that fits your style – just do it.

If you want to chat, let me know. And if you want a shirt, you can get one in my shop.

Otherwise, I’ll leave you with the wise words of Shia LaBeouf…

16 Comments

  1. Nate says:

    This is a very heart found post. I think sometimes as humans we want to do good by society. On the same token, it can hurt too because it doesn’t allow for us to be ourselves and I know that God wants us to be the best version of ourselves and still live life with purpose. With that said, couple of F bombs here and there won’t hurt but if it’s what we gotta do, then so be it and so many people are afraid to do so.

  2. Karmin says:

    I heard someone say that cussing is a measure of HIGH intelligence. I personally see myself as more spiritual, than religious so it doesn’t bother me as long as someone is not cursing AT me (calling me names, etc.). So I’m less judgmental on issues like that… by all means CUSS away! Lol

  3. Heather says:

    “They say things like, “I’m praying for you,” meaning that they ask God to make sure you are okay – but when they say it, it sounds more like, “Man, you clearly need Jesus.””

    This part really made me laugh out loud because I can hear it so clearly in my head. Thanks for sharing this.

  4. Chad says:

    I am guilty of the same! I cuss a lot but I feel that this doesn’t make me a bad person, it is what is in the heart that counts, the intentions!

    Chad
    http://www.mosaicslab.com

  5. Kelly says:

    I’ve been that athiest who snarks at believers.
    I’ve been that baby Christian who felt judged.
    I’ve been that holier than thou Christian who judged others for ‘not doing it right’.
    Today, I’m just a gal who loves Jesus who has realizes I have no business judging anyone.

    And I cuss 😉

    It is good to see brave believers stepping up to shed religious nonsense and be Jesus REAL!

  6. Alayna says:

    Some Christians would do better to focus on making the world a better place, rather than APPEARING to make the world a better place. Focus on what matters, not if the person next to you in the pew cusses, you know?

  7. Kaeleigh says:

    Swearing is one of the hardest things I struggle with as a mom, especially now that my kids are talking!

  8. I’m over here giving you a standing ovation!! I’m slowly learning to listen to that tug and voice that tells me to ‘just do it’s. Be it a kind word, a small touch, or biting my tongue. I love this!

  9. Adriana says:

    Such a great read. I love the shirt that you used in the beginning of this post.

  10. Preet says:

    I can totally relate to you. I go to church every Sunday. I have met a lot of a church person and telling me the same thing. But I don’t know if I am the only one who has this sentiment of asking myself. Am I a follower of God? Am I good enough to call it that way cause I always go to church? But no matter what, I know what I am doing, I know that only God can tell who am I in his eyes. I can’t hear him nor see him. But I can feel his presence.

  11. Clare Minall says:

    The truth is that living is a process, as we grow up, we discover a lot of different things, beliefs and stuff. Cussing won’t measure your faith as long as you love Jesus and trust God, you are saved and qualified

  12. Catherine Santiago Jose says:

    This is such a nice post. I always go to the church and have a lot of church friends but all I can say is only God can judge me or say if I am His true follower or not. God is a merciful God and He loves us and He wants all His children to be save.

  13. Bree says:

    I love the title of this post! I can relate to your story. Thank you for sharing.

  14. I grew up going to church almost every day, and nowadays I do feel a bit different about this for sure!

  15. We need to always seek Him in our hearts that’s the only thing we can do to follow Him, until we live, for us not to totally depart from Him. He is the only one can judge us at His perfect time, nobody else.

  16. I can totally relate to this post. I love GOD. Nothing will change that. I know I am not perfect either. I will forever trust him. At the end of the day, only God can judge me .

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