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September 1, 2013
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Guess what… I messed up.

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Lately, I’ve felt like I’ve been floating. Like I’m not giving anything that I do 100% of my time or attention. Okay, that’s not just a feeling, it’s a fact.

I half do relationships. I half do my work. I half do my playtime. I half do my budget. (No…I haven’t been doing that one at all.)

With a very few exceptions, I half do life.

And that is no way to keep balance. Nor is it anyway to fully live life. I’ve got my toes dipped in too many pools and I can’t fully be present for any of them.

I like the house clean and organized. I have not kept up with that.

I like my projects to go quickly and my clients to be happy. I have not made sure that happens either.

I like to spend time with my husband and kids – only if I’m not working.

And speaking of work. Ugh.

The thing is, I love what I do. But I also know that I’m not doing it right.

And I’m not loving my work right now.

Oh, there are rays of sunshine. Days when it all just falls into place and God is smiling on the project I’m working on. But there are more days where I struggle to get one thing done the whole day.

So, what’s up. Why am I flaking out on deadlines. Why can I work well some days and other days are crap?

It’s because I am not fully present while I’m working. I have facebook open. And tweetdeck. And email. And pinterest. And spotify. And maybe I’m watching Star Trek: Into Darkness for the 300th time (that movie is freaking killer, and I had the best epiphany from it the other day – but that’s another post).

And I’m not taking time for me. Or being fully present for anything else, for that matter.

So, if you are one of the clients that I flaked out on. Or you feel like I ignored you. I’m sorry. I’ve got my sh!t straight now, and from this very moment forward, I will not only be fully present for each moment of my life, but I will make sure that your projects are a priority for me. But only during work hours.

I won’t be doing anymore emergency work at 9pm. Because not only am I short-changing my husband and kids, but I’m short-changing you, my clients. Because while I’m working, I’m probably also watching Survivor. Which means that I’m not fully present when I’m working on your project.

So, here’s to balance. And Life. And living it. And loving it.

If you have any tips for finding balance or some semblance of it – I’d love to hear them. xoxo

(Oh, and I’m definitely going to be doing my budget from now on.)

5 Comments

  1. Dana says:

    Okay, now everything makes sense. Why didn’t you just tell me? I’m glad that you at least wrote this down. I sensed that you were a very authentic person and when you were non-responsive, I got paranoid. But your work is amazing…even when you aren’t doing it right. That says something about your skills and your passion. Even with our initial hiccups I am very pleased with the final product on my website.

    So many women are where you are at, Amanda. I often find myself in this same position. Sounds like you need to have the courage to say “No thank you.” Connect with your heart and you will learn how to say no more often and that will free you from this state of never being able to do the things you want well. My hope for you is that you will take some time for yourself to build up that courage.

    Peace, love, and writing!
    Dana

    • Amanda says:

      You are absolutely right on several points Dana. To be honest, I only just figured it out this weekend. And once I got rolling on yours it, was actually one of my easier projects 🙂

  2. […] mentioned in my last blog that in one of the 300 times I’ve watched Star Trek: Into Darkness I had this huge epiphany, […]

  3. Pat says:

    I knew there was a reason why I loved you Amanda, always speaking the truth 🙂

  4. […] mentioned in my last blog that in one of the 300 times I’ve watched Star Trek: Into Darkness I had this huge epiphany, […]

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